I don't deny that Elves can die of grief, I just don't think that that was what Tolkien meant when he talked about fading.

Neither do I. I think I simply got caught up a little in my own arguments. ;) What I meant to imply was actually the fact that even if the fanon concept of 'fading' was what Tolkien intended it to be I simply think it is often enough not handled with the gravity befitting the subject matter. It feels more like the 'petty problems, quickly solved'-plot that's so popular in soap operas. Well, at least to me. ;)