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Yesterday was a remarkably busy day here at the DPP WAU. I wasn't surprised by this, as we experienced a drought of warrants last week and Kathy hadn't been to pick them up in a few days: That usually means that--when she does make it to the office--I will be slammed. It's not that big of a deal because I work really quickly and can have 15 warrants (which is what she brought yesterday) done in no time at all.
But yesterday was the Division of Parole and Probation's official Incompetence Day. I must have missed the email.
I was working along, running my 15 warrants, when the Nextel radio beeps. I should preface this by mentioning that I have two goofy coworkers who I like to call Alatar and Pallando. Why? Because they remind me of the elusive blue wizards in two major ways:
1) They are always together. You never see Alatar without Pallando or vice versa. One got the job and insisted that the other be hired too.
2) They were hired to arrest parole violators, just like A&P were "hired" to inspire the people of Middle-earth to fight Sauron. But, just like A&P, they prefer to disappear and go party instead, leaving all the work to the Olorins of the unit.
So Alatar radios me to ask if I have a copy of a warrant and, if I don't, can I see if it's in the system and okay to serve. So I do my magic and come to the following conclusions: 1) No matter what the status, we haven't received a copy of the warrant. 2) It is not in MILES/NCIC, which means that it hasn't been issued to another unit to serve. 3) It is in PARIS as having been signed on the 19th of January. This leads me to conclude that the warrant was probably recalled or the subject was found in jail and the warrant was filed as a detainer. (P&P lingo aside, basically, what this means: The guy was already in jail. If a guy's already in jail, there's no need to "serve" the warrant in the traditional sense of apprehending and handcuffing him, etc.) Warrants haven't been taking more than 2 months to reach us from the Parole Commission, and I told Alatar as much, indicating that the subject was probably already incarcerated. Alatar went on to tell me that the subject's agent was insisting that the guy was in Waldorf and that the warrant needed to be served. Alatar and Pallando wanted a copy so that they could serve it.
This necessitated me calling the Parole Commission, which is always an interesting endeavor. They are highly understaffed and nothing gets accomplished in less than an hour. The girl I talked to, however, told me that she could have a copy of the warrant to me in 10 minutes. Forty-five minutes later, I still hadn't received it, so I called back to discover that she'd left her desk. I left a message to have her call me regarding the status of the warrant I'd requested forty-five minutes ago.
Eventually, the warrant got faxed. Ecstatic, I called Alatar, who'd been on the edge of his seat waiting for the warrant. I asked for a number where I could fax it to him. "Standby," he said, and I proceeded to stand by for another three hours or so, until he called back, having arrested a different guy. "Oh yeah, about that Wilkins warrant," he said. "We found him down at MCIJ" (big jail right behind my office).
Which means that he'd already been arrested and the warrant was filed as a detainer. Which one Dawn Felagund had been saying all along. But would anyone want to listen to someone who deals with this stuff on a daily basis? Of course not! It's only my job! No, some cocky, daft-as-a-brush, two-bit agent always knows better. (What really pisses me off is that agents are supposed to check the status of warrants with the Parole Commission every two weeks until they are issued to us. Since more than two months had passed, I guess this self-proclaimed expert hadn't done too much checking.)
So I wasted a good half-hour of my time (and the girl's at the Parole Commission) to acquire a warrant that now sits in my pile to go to the shredder.
In the midst of all of this, I was trying to run my 15 warrants because I didn't want to be saddled with them at the end of the day. I ran one and--lo!--it was not in MILES/NCIC. (All warrants are entered into MILES/NCIC before we get them. This is the system that police run when they pull someone over, for example, to determine if they're wanted.) I tried every possible data point that I had on the guy, but it really wasn't in there. (Sometimes a data point, like an FBI number, will be entered wrongly, but running another data point, like a date of birth, will get a result.) So I called the unit that puts the warrants into MILES/NCIC. Lo! The warrant had been recalled! Yet no one thought to inform the agency who possessed the original? Why would they do a silly thing like that? No one minds spending hours attempting to serve a warrant on a guy who's no longer wanted. This happens quite a bit, that I'll get word through the grapevine that someone has been recalled, check MILES/NCIC, and call to see why s/he is no longer in the system, only to be told: "We tried to fax you a recall a month ago, but the line was busy." So you try again in five minutes! Or you pick up the telephone and call! The laziness and incompetence of government employees is dismaying, particularly because--despite the importance of our work--there is no accountability either, and people are rarely chastised for their failings. Argh!
But today is Friday and Good Friday at that, so all the twice-a-year Catholics and anyone who thinks they deserve a long weekend for the Easter holiday is on leave, so I don't expect that we'll be very busy today. It's sad when you find less incompetence in the absence of government workers than you do when you're running with a full staff. Our tiny little unit seems to do remarkably well (although some dumb people work here too), especially in the office, which has two lonely souls: my boss and me.
Maybe because I was in such a good mood yesterday, I wasn't half as pissed as I'd normally be after such rigmarole. Or--maybe--I'm becoming accustomed to government culture. (No, please, no!) I got a moderate amount of work done on my D&D equipment list, which pleased me. I didn't work on my story at all, but that's okay, as I wasn't feeling super-creative, more apt to designing uber-complicated tables and rotely entering information into them. I don't know what I feel like doing today. Normally, I'd work on my newsletter, but I'm doing a "Best Of" issue this week, so it's really already written; I just have to copy and paste articles onto the final copy. I might work on revision and author's notes some. I feel slightly creative but perhaps not enough to tackle my story. I don't know! Only time will tell, I suppose.
Yesterday evening was really nice just because there was nothing to do. Which means, of course, that I did a lot. I mopped the vestibule, washed the kitchen baseboards, mopped the kitchen floor, dusted the entire apartment, and cleaned the bathroom. Then I relaxed by working on my Phoenix Guard. Only two left to clean, then they can be glued together and are ready for painting! This is an accomplishment for me, as I am not very motivated to build my army. (I've had it since my birthday in September and have gotten shamefully little done.)
Bobby has a touch of a cold, so he took Day-Quil before going to bed last night. Day-Quil, you ask? Why not Ny-Quil? (Am I even spelling these ridiculous drug names correctly?) The last time he took Ny-Quil--because he only sleeps for six hours a night--he was still drugged in the morning and kept falling asleep on his drive into work. Needless to say, however, the stimulants in Day-Quil meant that he was joining me for the typical hour-long bout of insomnia before falling asleep. (I told him: "Think about Elves. That's what I do." He laughed, but somehow, I don't think he took my advice.) Anyway, when Bobby sleeps restlessly, then he does strange things to me in his sleep. (Get your minds out of the gutter, folks!) Last night, I was half-asleep when he suddenly jogged his hand from my hip and up my back like a little animal was running across me. Needless to say, it woke me up and scared the bejesus out of me! He woke up a second later and remembered none of it. Once before, he kept waking me up because he would put his hand on my pillow and tangle his fingers in my hair (which is impressively long), and I would throw his hand aside, but he kept putting it back like four times until--again--he woke up with no memory of committing such harassment of his poor, unwitting wife.
I hope he is feeling better today. Tonight is nerd night, and I think we might actually be playing tonight. (Which means that I will be painting and will hopefully finish that damned jester that I've been doing for Bobby. It normally wouldn't take so long, but I have banned myself from painting until my army's built, except for Friday.) I'm looking forward to seeing our friends: This is Easter weekend--a.k.a. crappy fake-ass holiday weekend--so I need to get in as much fun while I can.
I don't know what I'm doing now, but I think I'm done rambling here for the day. I might be back; only time will tell.
The Indecisive Dawn Felagund
Common name: Medium Dawn Felagund of the Fountain
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But yesterday was the Division of Parole and Probation's official Incompetence Day. I must have missed the email.
I was working along, running my 15 warrants, when the Nextel radio beeps. I should preface this by mentioning that I have two goofy coworkers who I like to call Alatar and Pallando. Why? Because they remind me of the elusive blue wizards in two major ways:
1) They are always together. You never see Alatar without Pallando or vice versa. One got the job and insisted that the other be hired too.
2) They were hired to arrest parole violators, just like A&P were "hired" to inspire the people of Middle-earth to fight Sauron. But, just like A&P, they prefer to disappear and go party instead, leaving all the work to the Olorins of the unit.
So Alatar radios me to ask if I have a copy of a warrant and, if I don't, can I see if it's in the system and okay to serve. So I do my magic and come to the following conclusions: 1) No matter what the status, we haven't received a copy of the warrant. 2) It is not in MILES/NCIC, which means that it hasn't been issued to another unit to serve. 3) It is in PARIS as having been signed on the 19th of January. This leads me to conclude that the warrant was probably recalled or the subject was found in jail and the warrant was filed as a detainer. (P&P lingo aside, basically, what this means: The guy was already in jail. If a guy's already in jail, there's no need to "serve" the warrant in the traditional sense of apprehending and handcuffing him, etc.) Warrants haven't been taking more than 2 months to reach us from the Parole Commission, and I told Alatar as much, indicating that the subject was probably already incarcerated. Alatar went on to tell me that the subject's agent was insisting that the guy was in Waldorf and that the warrant needed to be served. Alatar and Pallando wanted a copy so that they could serve it.
This necessitated me calling the Parole Commission, which is always an interesting endeavor. They are highly understaffed and nothing gets accomplished in less than an hour. The girl I talked to, however, told me that she could have a copy of the warrant to me in 10 minutes. Forty-five minutes later, I still hadn't received it, so I called back to discover that she'd left her desk. I left a message to have her call me regarding the status of the warrant I'd requested forty-five minutes ago.
Eventually, the warrant got faxed. Ecstatic, I called Alatar, who'd been on the edge of his seat waiting for the warrant. I asked for a number where I could fax it to him. "Standby," he said, and I proceeded to stand by for another three hours or so, until he called back, having arrested a different guy. "Oh yeah, about that Wilkins warrant," he said. "We found him down at MCIJ" (big jail right behind my office).
Which means that he'd already been arrested and the warrant was filed as a detainer. Which one Dawn Felagund had been saying all along. But would anyone want to listen to someone who deals with this stuff on a daily basis? Of course not! It's only my job! No, some cocky, daft-as-a-brush, two-bit agent always knows better. (What really pisses me off is that agents are supposed to check the status of warrants with the Parole Commission every two weeks until they are issued to us. Since more than two months had passed, I guess this self-proclaimed expert hadn't done too much checking.)
So I wasted a good half-hour of my time (and the girl's at the Parole Commission) to acquire a warrant that now sits in my pile to go to the shredder.
In the midst of all of this, I was trying to run my 15 warrants because I didn't want to be saddled with them at the end of the day. I ran one and--lo!--it was not in MILES/NCIC. (All warrants are entered into MILES/NCIC before we get them. This is the system that police run when they pull someone over, for example, to determine if they're wanted.) I tried every possible data point that I had on the guy, but it really wasn't in there. (Sometimes a data point, like an FBI number, will be entered wrongly, but running another data point, like a date of birth, will get a result.) So I called the unit that puts the warrants into MILES/NCIC. Lo! The warrant had been recalled! Yet no one thought to inform the agency who possessed the original? Why would they do a silly thing like that? No one minds spending hours attempting to serve a warrant on a guy who's no longer wanted. This happens quite a bit, that I'll get word through the grapevine that someone has been recalled, check MILES/NCIC, and call to see why s/he is no longer in the system, only to be told: "We tried to fax you a recall a month ago, but the line was busy." So you try again in five minutes! Or you pick up the telephone and call! The laziness and incompetence of government employees is dismaying, particularly because--despite the importance of our work--there is no accountability either, and people are rarely chastised for their failings. Argh!
But today is Friday and Good Friday at that, so all the twice-a-year Catholics and anyone who thinks they deserve a long weekend for the Easter holiday is on leave, so I don't expect that we'll be very busy today. It's sad when you find less incompetence in the absence of government workers than you do when you're running with a full staff. Our tiny little unit seems to do remarkably well (although some dumb people work here too), especially in the office, which has two lonely souls: my boss and me.
Maybe because I was in such a good mood yesterday, I wasn't half as pissed as I'd normally be after such rigmarole. Or--maybe--I'm becoming accustomed to government culture. (No, please, no!) I got a moderate amount of work done on my D&D equipment list, which pleased me. I didn't work on my story at all, but that's okay, as I wasn't feeling super-creative, more apt to designing uber-complicated tables and rotely entering information into them. I don't know what I feel like doing today. Normally, I'd work on my newsletter, but I'm doing a "Best Of" issue this week, so it's really already written; I just have to copy and paste articles onto the final copy. I might work on revision and author's notes some. I feel slightly creative but perhaps not enough to tackle my story. I don't know! Only time will tell, I suppose.
Yesterday evening was really nice just because there was nothing to do. Which means, of course, that I did a lot. I mopped the vestibule, washed the kitchen baseboards, mopped the kitchen floor, dusted the entire apartment, and cleaned the bathroom. Then I relaxed by working on my Phoenix Guard. Only two left to clean, then they can be glued together and are ready for painting! This is an accomplishment for me, as I am not very motivated to build my army. (I've had it since my birthday in September and have gotten shamefully little done.)
Bobby has a touch of a cold, so he took Day-Quil before going to bed last night. Day-Quil, you ask? Why not Ny-Quil? (Am I even spelling these ridiculous drug names correctly?) The last time he took Ny-Quil--because he only sleeps for six hours a night--he was still drugged in the morning and kept falling asleep on his drive into work. Needless to say, however, the stimulants in Day-Quil meant that he was joining me for the typical hour-long bout of insomnia before falling asleep. (I told him: "Think about Elves. That's what I do." He laughed, but somehow, I don't think he took my advice.) Anyway, when Bobby sleeps restlessly, then he does strange things to me in his sleep. (Get your minds out of the gutter, folks!) Last night, I was half-asleep when he suddenly jogged his hand from my hip and up my back like a little animal was running across me. Needless to say, it woke me up and scared the bejesus out of me! He woke up a second later and remembered none of it. Once before, he kept waking me up because he would put his hand on my pillow and tangle his fingers in my hair (which is impressively long), and I would throw his hand aside, but he kept putting it back like four times until--again--he woke up with no memory of committing such harassment of his poor, unwitting wife.
I hope he is feeling better today. Tonight is nerd night, and I think we might actually be playing tonight. (Which means that I will be painting and will hopefully finish that damned jester that I've been doing for Bobby. It normally wouldn't take so long, but I have banned myself from painting until my army's built, except for Friday.) I'm looking forward to seeing our friends: This is Easter weekend--a.k.a. crappy fake-ass holiday weekend--so I need to get in as much fun while I can.
I don't know what I'm doing now, but I think I'm done rambling here for the day. I might be back; only time will tell.
The Indecisive Dawn Felagund
Common name: Medium Dawn Felagund of the Fountain
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