I made the mistake of going to the hospital to see him, the night before he died, and I wish I hadn't because I will remember that forever, and the memory is such that I will never put it into words. I never could. I would never want to.

My eyes are too dry to be tearful right now (damn contacts), but my heart gave a painful little wrench because I know what exactly what you mean.

A few nights before my grandmother died, I went to see her in the nursing home with my mom. I didn't want to: it was bad enough watching her mind go little by little over the past five or six years, and by larger chunks in the past two. I hadn't seen her in a few months; she hadn't recognized me for a long time, and I didn't want to face her now that she couldn't talk, move, or eat (essentially catatonia).

It was a terrible image, and the person in the bed was not my grandmother. I wish I could forget it completely.

We cling to our loved ones, even when they're on the verge of death... Well, *especially* then, and even when it won't be comforting to us. Not wanting the loved one to die alone, and hoping that we can make one last precious memory to hold on to in those last days or hours or minutes.

*hugs* Yes, I understand what you mean.