Dawn Felagund (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dawn_felagund) wrote2006-09-07 07:53 pm
dawn_felagund) wrote2006-09-07 07:53 pm
Entry tags:
Random Mutterings about Life (tm)
Last night, Bobby had his last game as a member of Your Team Name Here. We are pretty good friends with one of his teammates Andy and his teammate's wife Cindy, who is also the scorekeeper at the ice rink. Last night, Cindy came in wearing a big smile and told me that she had good news. She asked me to guess.
"You got a house?" I asked, and I was right!
I asked the usual questions. I looked at her maps and community book and was happy for them. I didn't pretend that; when a friend is happy, I am happy for her, of course.
But the thought kept coming into my mind that I couldn't quite see myself getting likewise so excited. Actually, as she was talking about taking down wallpaper and putting up new paint, I was imagining this awful '70s wallpaper, gave a mental shrug, and thought that I'd probably just leave it up.
I don't know what it is...I've changed so much since last year.
Last year, Bobby and I were the ones excited about getting a house in the next couple of years. Now...well, he's hoping to get a new job, which will mean a pretty big pay cut, and I don't even care. I think of cars and houses and stuff and...*shrug*
I am rarely even motivated to clean the apartment anymore. Not like I used to. I used to vacuum and clean the bathroom twice per week. Now, it seems there are better things to do.
The 2005 model of Dawn Felagund says she doesn't even know the 2006 model anymore. :^P
With this thought in my brain, I went to the pharmacy this afternoon after work to pick up a prescription. Because there is nary a road in Maryland that is not under some kind of significant construction, they have Frederick Road closed and detoured onto Route-40. (Both are pretty busy local roads.) It took me fifteen fucking minutes to turn out of the pharmacy, drive across the street, and drive a half-mile to my apartment community. Why? Because the geniuses who govern the roads closed one of the biggest roads in the area, detoured traffic onto the biggest road in the area, and didn't think to adjust the light so that more than three cars could turn onto the detour at one time.
Argh.
So on top of having in my brain that 2006 Dawn is a drastically different Dawn from last year, I am sitting in traffic thick as mud and cursing the county that I am supposed to love enough to pay an extra $400 a month in rent than if I lived in, say, Harford County. Cursing the whole goddamn area for being friggin' Type-A, corporate-tool, cell-phone-in-the-ear suburbia. Because, really, I know that it's not Howard County. Howard County is honestly a beautiful place to live in a glossy-full-color-brochure kind of way. It's the Baltimore-DC Metro area. Nrgh.
As I sat in traffic, a half-mile from home, the thought came to me: "God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in my life take me the fuck away from here!"
Naturally, because I had definitely caught Murphy's eye, I barely missed the light when I finally made it the hundred feet from the pharmacy to the intersection. I could have stretched the yellow, but Maryland is also the Redlight Camera Capital of the World--yay us!--so I decided not to take my chances. I was sitting there, listening to my iPod and trying not to be grumpy, and a guy pulled up in the car next to me. You know: a hand-draped-over-the-wheel, hat-cocked-to-the-side, rap-music-blaring, SUV-drivin' kind of guy. He was "cool," in other words. Well, his rap music was frankly overwhelming my music, which had just switched to "Evenstar" from the TTT soundtrack. Lovely song, makes me think of Nerdanel and Feanor. Since I was already bordering on grumpy, I turned up my music to match his. So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
"You got a house?" I asked, and I was right!
I asked the usual questions. I looked at her maps and community book and was happy for them. I didn't pretend that; when a friend is happy, I am happy for her, of course.
But the thought kept coming into my mind that I couldn't quite see myself getting likewise so excited. Actually, as she was talking about taking down wallpaper and putting up new paint, I was imagining this awful '70s wallpaper, gave a mental shrug, and thought that I'd probably just leave it up.
I don't know what it is...I've changed so much since last year.
Last year, Bobby and I were the ones excited about getting a house in the next couple of years. Now...well, he's hoping to get a new job, which will mean a pretty big pay cut, and I don't even care. I think of cars and houses and stuff and...*shrug*
I am rarely even motivated to clean the apartment anymore. Not like I used to. I used to vacuum and clean the bathroom twice per week. Now, it seems there are better things to do.
The 2005 model of Dawn Felagund says she doesn't even know the 2006 model anymore. :^P
With this thought in my brain, I went to the pharmacy this afternoon after work to pick up a prescription. Because there is nary a road in Maryland that is not under some kind of significant construction, they have Frederick Road closed and detoured onto Route-40. (Both are pretty busy local roads.) It took me fifteen fucking minutes to turn out of the pharmacy, drive across the street, and drive a half-mile to my apartment community. Why? Because the geniuses who govern the roads closed one of the biggest roads in the area, detoured traffic onto the biggest road in the area, and didn't think to adjust the light so that more than three cars could turn onto the detour at one time.
Argh.
So on top of having in my brain that 2006 Dawn is a drastically different Dawn from last year, I am sitting in traffic thick as mud and cursing the county that I am supposed to love enough to pay an extra $400 a month in rent than if I lived in, say, Harford County. Cursing the whole goddamn area for being friggin' Type-A, corporate-tool, cell-phone-in-the-ear suburbia. Because, really, I know that it's not Howard County. Howard County is honestly a beautiful place to live in a glossy-full-color-brochure kind of way. It's the Baltimore-DC Metro area. Nrgh.
As I sat in traffic, a half-mile from home, the thought came to me: "God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in my life take me the fuck away from here!"
Naturally, because I had definitely caught Murphy's eye, I barely missed the light when I finally made it the hundred feet from the pharmacy to the intersection. I could have stretched the yellow, but Maryland is also the Redlight Camera Capital of the World--yay us!--so I decided not to take my chances. I was sitting there, listening to my iPod and trying not to be grumpy, and a guy pulled up in the car next to me. You know: a hand-draped-over-the-wheel, hat-cocked-to-the-side, rap-music-blaring, SUV-drivin' kind of guy. He was "cool," in other words. Well, his rap music was frankly overwhelming my music, which had just switched to "Evenstar" from the TTT soundtrack. Lovely song, makes me think of Nerdanel and Feanor. Since I was already bordering on grumpy, I turned up my music to match his. So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
no subject
So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
Heh! that's kinda like me going on the street, minding my own business, and being harassed by various idiots (i.e. construction workers). I turn to them and shout: "Go to fucking Mandos!" In English, of course. then I giggle, because I realize that even if Mandos' Halls were real, they couldn't go there. This is either cool or insane, you tell me.
I hope that whatever you do and wherever pursuing your passions and your careers takes you, both of you will be happy. *hugs*
no subject
That was me too when I graduated. My hopes were to get my PhD in clinical psych. The school I had picked had a 10% acceptance rate, and my grades and GRE scores were certainly good enough to get in.
Then...Bush came into office. University funding was slashed. And unemployment skyrocketed. And graduates who normally would have gone into the workforce chose grad school instead.
The acceptance rate at my school dropped to around 1%. The year I would have entered for my master's they accepted 3-4 new grad students in clinical psych. They no longer had funding (clinical psych students usually pay little or no tuition but work for the university during their schooling as teaching assistants, but it's expensive to train a psychologist) and had an influx of applicants who couldn't find jobs and chose grad school instead. The result: I didn't get in.
And within a few months, I had forgotten my ambitions like they'd never been. WTF??
I hope that returning to ecology and biology, which I have always loved, will give me some happiness and meaning. I thought I had it in clinical psych, but obviously not.
Maybe this is you? Have you always wanted to do strategic management? Maybe you have a whole different calling. :)
(I know I heard Feanor calling your name last night.... >:^D)
Heh! that's kinda like me going on the street, minding my own business, and being harassed by various idiots (i.e. construction workers). I turn to them and shout: "Go to fucking Mandos!" In English, of course.
LMFAO!! That is definitely cool! Maybe a bit insane too but mostly cool. :^D