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Last night, Bobby had his last game as a member of Your Team Name Here. We are pretty good friends with one of his teammates Andy and his teammate's wife Cindy, who is also the scorekeeper at the ice rink. Last night, Cindy came in wearing a big smile and told me that she had good news. She asked me to guess.
"You got a house?" I asked, and I was right!
I asked the usual questions. I looked at her maps and community book and was happy for them. I didn't pretend that; when a friend is happy, I am happy for her, of course.
But the thought kept coming into my mind that I couldn't quite see myself getting likewise so excited. Actually, as she was talking about taking down wallpaper and putting up new paint, I was imagining this awful '70s wallpaper, gave a mental shrug, and thought that I'd probably just leave it up.
I don't know what it is...I've changed so much since last year.
Last year, Bobby and I were the ones excited about getting a house in the next couple of years. Now...well, he's hoping to get a new job, which will mean a pretty big pay cut, and I don't even care. I think of cars and houses and stuff and...*shrug*
I am rarely even motivated to clean the apartment anymore. Not like I used to. I used to vacuum and clean the bathroom twice per week. Now, it seems there are better things to do.
The 2005 model of Dawn Felagund says she doesn't even know the 2006 model anymore. :^P
With this thought in my brain, I went to the pharmacy this afternoon after work to pick up a prescription. Because there is nary a road in Maryland that is not under some kind of significant construction, they have Frederick Road closed and detoured onto Route-40. (Both are pretty busy local roads.) It took me fifteen fucking minutes to turn out of the pharmacy, drive across the street, and drive a half-mile to my apartment community. Why? Because the geniuses who govern the roads closed one of the biggest roads in the area, detoured traffic onto the biggest road in the area, and didn't think to adjust the light so that more than three cars could turn onto the detour at one time.
Argh.
So on top of having in my brain that 2006 Dawn is a drastically different Dawn from last year, I am sitting in traffic thick as mud and cursing the county that I am supposed to love enough to pay an extra $400 a month in rent than if I lived in, say, Harford County. Cursing the whole goddamn area for being friggin' Type-A, corporate-tool, cell-phone-in-the-ear suburbia. Because, really, I know that it's not Howard County. Howard County is honestly a beautiful place to live in a glossy-full-color-brochure kind of way. It's the Baltimore-DC Metro area. Nrgh.
As I sat in traffic, a half-mile from home, the thought came to me: "God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in my life take me the fuck away from here!"
Naturally, because I had definitely caught Murphy's eye, I barely missed the light when I finally made it the hundred feet from the pharmacy to the intersection. I could have stretched the yellow, but Maryland is also the Redlight Camera Capital of the World--yay us!--so I decided not to take my chances. I was sitting there, listening to my iPod and trying not to be grumpy, and a guy pulled up in the car next to me. You know: a hand-draped-over-the-wheel, hat-cocked-to-the-side, rap-music-blaring, SUV-drivin' kind of guy. He was "cool," in other words. Well, his rap music was frankly overwhelming my music, which had just switched to "Evenstar" from the TTT soundtrack. Lovely song, makes me think of Nerdanel and Feanor. Since I was already bordering on grumpy, I turned up my music to match his. So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
"You got a house?" I asked, and I was right!
I asked the usual questions. I looked at her maps and community book and was happy for them. I didn't pretend that; when a friend is happy, I am happy for her, of course.
But the thought kept coming into my mind that I couldn't quite see myself getting likewise so excited. Actually, as she was talking about taking down wallpaper and putting up new paint, I was imagining this awful '70s wallpaper, gave a mental shrug, and thought that I'd probably just leave it up.
I don't know what it is...I've changed so much since last year.
Last year, Bobby and I were the ones excited about getting a house in the next couple of years. Now...well, he's hoping to get a new job, which will mean a pretty big pay cut, and I don't even care. I think of cars and houses and stuff and...*shrug*
I am rarely even motivated to clean the apartment anymore. Not like I used to. I used to vacuum and clean the bathroom twice per week. Now, it seems there are better things to do.
The 2005 model of Dawn Felagund says she doesn't even know the 2006 model anymore. :^P
With this thought in my brain, I went to the pharmacy this afternoon after work to pick up a prescription. Because there is nary a road in Maryland that is not under some kind of significant construction, they have Frederick Road closed and detoured onto Route-40. (Both are pretty busy local roads.) It took me fifteen fucking minutes to turn out of the pharmacy, drive across the street, and drive a half-mile to my apartment community. Why? Because the geniuses who govern the roads closed one of the biggest roads in the area, detoured traffic onto the biggest road in the area, and didn't think to adjust the light so that more than three cars could turn onto the detour at one time.
Argh.
So on top of having in my brain that 2006 Dawn is a drastically different Dawn from last year, I am sitting in traffic thick as mud and cursing the county that I am supposed to love enough to pay an extra $400 a month in rent than if I lived in, say, Harford County. Cursing the whole goddamn area for being friggin' Type-A, corporate-tool, cell-phone-in-the-ear suburbia. Because, really, I know that it's not Howard County. Howard County is honestly a beautiful place to live in a glossy-full-color-brochure kind of way. It's the Baltimore-DC Metro area. Nrgh.
As I sat in traffic, a half-mile from home, the thought came to me: "God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in my life take me the fuck away from here!"
Naturally, because I had definitely caught Murphy's eye, I barely missed the light when I finally made it the hundred feet from the pharmacy to the intersection. I could have stretched the yellow, but Maryland is also the Redlight Camera Capital of the World--yay us!--so I decided not to take my chances. I was sitting there, listening to my iPod and trying not to be grumpy, and a guy pulled up in the car next to me. You know: a hand-draped-over-the-wheel, hat-cocked-to-the-side, rap-music-blaring, SUV-drivin' kind of guy. He was "cool," in other words. Well, his rap music was frankly overwhelming my music, which had just switched to "Evenstar" from the TTT soundtrack. Lovely song, makes me think of Nerdanel and Feanor. Since I was already bordering on grumpy, I turned up my music to match his. So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 12:52 am (UTC)Ok, I think the fact that you don't clean twice a week means you are becoming normal! ;P Or it means you're getting into the college mentality.
"God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in Dawn's life take her to Colorado, which is a damn cool place!" ;)
I hate people with super loud music. I don't listen to LotR in the car usually, especially not "Evenstar" (because this song is too relaxing, and is the song I listen to when I cannot sleep, and I don't want to fall asleep while driving), but still.
Unrelated, but I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Horse lovers are stable people." Hehe! I'm stable.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:29 am (UTC)Noooooo! *hides* :^D Though I really don't think that I have to worry about that!
"God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in Dawn's life take her to Colorado, which is a damn cool place!" ;)
I would love to visit Colorado. Ah, the hiking....
But unless they develop an ocean or a marine science program, I'll probably end up right here in Maryland or maybe Florida. :^P But Colorado is definitely on the list of Must Visit places!
Unrelated, but I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Horse lovers are stable people." Hehe! I'm stable.
Suuuure, you are.... ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:34 am (UTC)Haha true. Good thing too! ;)
I would love to visit Colorado. Ah, the hiking....
Just tell me when to be at DIA...
But unless they develop an ocean or a marine science program, I'll probably end up right here in Maryland or maybe Florida. :^P But Colorado is definitely on the list of Must Visit places!
Hmm, they probably have one, but it's probably not as good. But, if you ever change your mind and want to do wildlife biology or forestry or something...;)
Suuuure, you are.... ;)
Hearing voices doesn't make me unstable...;)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 02:19 am (UTC)Wow, vacuuming twice a week and you don't even have furry pets. Without my husky around shedding all the time, I didn't even vacuum the other week, and I couldn't even tell.
Yes, you do have better things to do - I hope your writing is towards the top of your list; that would beat cleaning any day of the week. Or hiking would too. Or having a social/family life. Or just about anything else I could think of.
Cities and roads everywhere are getting more and more crowded. Even the rural areas are getting built up so fast, so yes, it makes sense to open the borders to anyone in the world who wants to come here.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:37 am (UTC)Yes, that sounds about right! :) Most of my writing is done at work again these days since we aren't getting so many warrants anymore and I have a lot of downtime. And I can honestly say that I haven't had the vacuum out in several weeks. Bobby had a day off when I had to work, and he vacuumed for me. Awwww.... *pets good husband*
Cities and roads everywhere are getting more and more crowded. Even the rural areas are getting built up so fast, so yes, it makes sense to open the borders to anyone in the world who wants to come here.
Ugh, the whole freakin' world is getting overcrowded. Maybe it makes me a misanthrope, but dang, there's just too damned many people these days.
Baltimore-DC has many awards to our credit. We were the syphilis capital of the country for many years. (We may have dropped to a disappointing second place...or maybe we're still first. Either way, we were first for a long time.) Our State employees are paid the least, taking into account cost of living. (And I'm a State employee...yay us!) We're the redlight-camera capital of the world. And we're consistently ranked in the top five for traffic congestion and aggressive driving. Yay us. *rolls eyes*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 11:32 pm (UTC)Erm, sounds like a lovely city you have.
traffic congestion and aggressive driving
hmmm, cause, effect. Anyone?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-12 02:10 am (UTC)Baltimore has it's charming spots. But then it has an equal share of OMG-not-there! spots too. And DC.... o.O
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 02:35 am (UTC)Chicago did a downtown disaster-preparedness drill today. They closed down major streets, rerouted the buses, confused the whole city, for a drill that was supposed to start at 9 a.m. and continue till 7 p.m. It actually started at 3 p.m. I think the geniuses who designed the roads where you live designed the drills where I live.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:41 am (UTC)Perhaps if these agencies weren't run by dumb-as-stumps, friend-of-a-friend political appointees and instead by people who had earned their position through merit and actual work (ass-kissing doesn't count), there wouldn't be such rampant idiocy in all branches of government.
Probably a hollow hope...but I like to poke fun at political appointees.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:56 am (UTC)I'm afraid that my own views are pretty much based on experience. Like the fact that pretty much all the Important People in Maryland Public Safety are old friends from one of the previous governor's regimes. And as far as I can tell, all they ever do is sit around in meetings and plan...more meetings.
Meanwhile, people like my boss who actually do know a thing or two about public safety are driving desks for two-bit units with nothing more than limited police authority.
(And Bobby's agency with the feds...I won't even start on that. It'd take more comments than I think you'd care to read, and I don't feel like getting angry this late at night.)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 03:03 am (UTC)That's the only way to explain the extraordinary demise of Meigs Field.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 03:22 am (UTC)Priorities shift as we mature.
I had to turn my Celtic thingy music waaaaaay up today to drown out Britanny Spears, of all things. Ack.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:58 am (UTC)Mine are in less a shift than an all-out collapse! :^D
I had to turn my Celtic thingy music waaaaaay up today to drown out Britanny Spears, of all things. Ack.
Ai. You poor dear. For all my embarassing musical tastes over the years, I am proud to say Britney was never one of them. :^P
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 11:21 am (UTC)So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
Heh! that's kinda like me going on the street, minding my own business, and being harassed by various idiots (i.e. construction workers). I turn to them and shout: "Go to fucking Mandos!" In English, of course. then I giggle, because I realize that even if Mandos' Halls were real, they couldn't go there. This is either cool or insane, you tell me.
I hope that whatever you do and wherever pursuing your passions and your careers takes you, both of you will be happy. *hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 02:49 am (UTC)That was me too when I graduated. My hopes were to get my PhD in clinical psych. The school I had picked had a 10% acceptance rate, and my grades and GRE scores were certainly good enough to get in.
Then...Bush came into office. University funding was slashed. And unemployment skyrocketed. And graduates who normally would have gone into the workforce chose grad school instead.
The acceptance rate at my school dropped to around 1%. The year I would have entered for my master's they accepted 3-4 new grad students in clinical psych. They no longer had funding (clinical psych students usually pay little or no tuition but work for the university during their schooling as teaching assistants, but it's expensive to train a psychologist) and had an influx of applicants who couldn't find jobs and chose grad school instead. The result: I didn't get in.
And within a few months, I had forgotten my ambitions like they'd never been. WTF??
I hope that returning to ecology and biology, which I have always loved, will give me some happiness and meaning. I thought I had it in clinical psych, but obviously not.
Maybe this is you? Have you always wanted to do strategic management? Maybe you have a whole different calling. :)
(I know I heard Feanor calling your name last night.... >:^D)
Heh! that's kinda like me going on the street, minding my own business, and being harassed by various idiots (i.e. construction workers). I turn to them and shout: "Go to fucking Mandos!" In English, of course.
LMFAO!! That is definitely cool! Maybe a bit insane too but mostly cool. :^D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 11:55 am (UTC)*Whispers* Englaaaaand... home of Tolkein... don't come to the city... Englaaaaaand...
;-)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 03:00 am (UTC)The marine science in Maryland are awesome...but I am hoping to be able to move to the Eastern Shore at least! (Or, in Balmorese: "The Eestern Shoor, hon!" :^D)
PS--You're trying to convince me to come to England; Tarion's trying to convince me to come to Colorado...I feel very loved. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 12:07 pm (UTC)I also think that modernity pushes people to make decisions too quickly. Why do I have to own a house and be in a job that will run my life for the next 35 years when I am 25? To me, the rush of modern life is crazy, people aren't meant to live this way.
Personally, i'll take the little shack by the shore any day over the 5 gazillion dollar home with eight BMWs.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 03:04 am (UTC)But I agree with you. You know that. I think that things are way too rushed. I mean, you have ten-year-old kids choosing schools based on what careers they want. Heck, we did this when we were thirteen, and as much as I loved Parkville, how can a 13-year-old know this?
No one seems to really enjoy life so much as barrell through it in a rather headlong manner....
Let's not do that, okay? :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-08 01:35 pm (UTC)Last year, Bobby and I were the ones excited about getting a house in the next couple of years. Now...well, he's hoping to get a new job, which will mean a pretty big pay cut, and I don't even care. I think of cars and houses and stuff and...*shrug*
Ah yeah, I recognise this. Even though you are happy for that person, it feels like a world apart. I am still trying to pay attention not to talk about Kevin with others too much, because.. yeah. He's such a big part of my daily life. But now I have more time to do other things too, but it will never be the same, it just slips in the conversation. Years ago I was happy with a roof above my head and a place to call my home... now I stare outside and look at the jungle that is my garden (can't you send Feanoro over, Maglor is really not interested..), but we're now looking around for a house which will fit our future needs.
Because the geniuses who govern the roads closed one of the biggest roads in the area, detoured traffic onto the biggest road in the area, and didn't think to adjust the light so that more than three cars could turn onto the detour at one time.
Eugh sounds like my town where you can sit for 20 min idle in the car while your home is 5 minutes away.. no wonder that I cycle so much!
Since I was already bordering on grumpy, I turned up my music to match his. So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack.
LOL! I love this visual *grin* I haven't played the soundtrack for months!
But you know, maybe you changed, but maybe that is the exciting thing of life: you go forwards, sometimes unnoticed, sometimes forced, but you learn new things, come across new people, or friends change along with you too.. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 03:13 am (UTC)I wonder sometimes if I am odd because people in this area seem to value and emphasize what I find is unimportant: things and money and empty titles/incomes. (Then again, I have always known that I am odd! :^P) I just want more than this. I guess I'm selfish. :)
And you should talk about Kevin! To everyone and all of the time! He has every right to be the center of your life (and I, for one, love your posts about him. I read every one and love all the piccies!) I remember when Bobby and I saw Spamelot earlier this year, walking out of the theatre, euphoric and with big goofy grins on our faces, there was a guy walking next to us who had just seen the same show, and he was talking about his company's earnings. Not the show, not enjoying his companion's company...but his company's earning. If a person can't even escape for an evening to watch a Monty Python musical...eek. Bobby and I laughed at the guy, but I never want to be like that. There is so much more to life than "status" and money.
(can't you send Feanoro over, Maglor is really not interested..)
He's on his way. ;) (What about Celegorm? Orome taught him nothing? Sheesh.... :^D)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 03:40 pm (UTC)Yeps had a very prosperous career ahead of me in consultancy, a seen as a talent in my branch of profession, but first a burn-out, the hardship of conceiving & RSI forced me to stand still and wonder what I really wanted in life. So yeah, I love the morning where I am the one to be the first that Kevin sees, sitting in a chair in his bedroom while we both gaze out of the window to watch the birds and clouds. My last boss was convinced I threw away a good career and life, but I beg the difference. I am following that what my heart desires and I am so happy.
I wonder sometimes if I am odd because people in this area seem to value and emphasize what I find is unimportant: things and money and empty titles/incomes. (Then again, I have always known that I am odd! :^P) I just want more than this. I guess I'm selfish. :)
Hmmm know, everyone their own path to walk. For some such a flashing life makes them happy, a shiny car to drive, the status that comes along with the profession. But can they enjoy the little things in life, can they for example enjoy encountering a deer on their path in the early morning or do they molest the hooter of their big BMW?? Maybe they do. But I sometimes think I was born in the wrong age, I've always been a dreamer and writing stories in my head, singing soft songs and such. I need nature to feel complete and I would be unhappy without it. A bard indeed ;)
And you should talk about Kevin! To everyone and all of the time! He has every right to be the center of your life (and I, for one, love your posts about him. I read every one and love all the piccies!)
Yay :) I love writing about him, he makes me laugh so often. Hubby says that I should laugh more because that was one of the things he fell in love with me.
There is so much more to life than "status" and money.
Yups there is, but for some it takes a crisis to realise that, for others a natural transformation to it.
He's on his way. ;) (What about Celegorm? Orome taught him nothing? Sheesh.... :^D)
LOL have you not read the entries this summer where Celegorm only added animals to the zoo I have here? An affectionate crow, a pair of lovely ducks, a frog, a falcon/hawk, a harrier, magpie... I kid you not! I do have to say, those birds of prey do clean up after themselves. But the chatty crow scared the heck out of hubby, that I offered the bird something to drink from a cup and such.. so yeah, that's what going on over here.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 09:30 pm (UTC)Ugh. Attitudes like your boss's disgust me so much. Personally, I think that these people don't have happy families and so don't understand how some of us take joy in something beyond our salaries. (Bobby has a lot of people at his office who believe as your boss does, and he is frank with them: his family [me] and his schooling come first.) But good for you, finding your happiness. :) I feel sorry for your boss, to tell you the truth, to ground his happiness in something so frivolous.
LOL have you not read the entries this summer where Celegorm only added animals to the zoo I have here?
I missed that! :( I missed a couple weeks of flist this summer. But that is hilarious! Just like Celegorm, the little imp. ;)