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Last night, Bobby had his last game as a member of Your Team Name Here. We are pretty good friends with one of his teammates Andy and his teammate's wife Cindy, who is also the scorekeeper at the ice rink. Last night, Cindy came in wearing a big smile and told me that she had good news. She asked me to guess.
"You got a house?" I asked, and I was right!
I asked the usual questions. I looked at her maps and community book and was happy for them. I didn't pretend that; when a friend is happy, I am happy for her, of course.
But the thought kept coming into my mind that I couldn't quite see myself getting likewise so excited. Actually, as she was talking about taking down wallpaper and putting up new paint, I was imagining this awful '70s wallpaper, gave a mental shrug, and thought that I'd probably just leave it up.
I don't know what it is...I've changed so much since last year.
Last year, Bobby and I were the ones excited about getting a house in the next couple of years. Now...well, he's hoping to get a new job, which will mean a pretty big pay cut, and I don't even care. I think of cars and houses and stuff and...*shrug*
I am rarely even motivated to clean the apartment anymore. Not like I used to. I used to vacuum and clean the bathroom twice per week. Now, it seems there are better things to do.
The 2005 model of Dawn Felagund says she doesn't even know the 2006 model anymore. :^P
With this thought in my brain, I went to the pharmacy this afternoon after work to pick up a prescription. Because there is nary a road in Maryland that is not under some kind of significant construction, they have Frederick Road closed and detoured onto Route-40. (Both are pretty busy local roads.) It took me fifteen fucking minutes to turn out of the pharmacy, drive across the street, and drive a half-mile to my apartment community. Why? Because the geniuses who govern the roads closed one of the biggest roads in the area, detoured traffic onto the biggest road in the area, and didn't think to adjust the light so that more than three cars could turn onto the detour at one time.
Argh.
So on top of having in my brain that 2006 Dawn is a drastically different Dawn from last year, I am sitting in traffic thick as mud and cursing the county that I am supposed to love enough to pay an extra $400 a month in rent than if I lived in, say, Harford County. Cursing the whole goddamn area for being friggin' Type-A, corporate-tool, cell-phone-in-the-ear suburbia. Because, really, I know that it's not Howard County. Howard County is honestly a beautiful place to live in a glossy-full-color-brochure kind of way. It's the Baltimore-DC Metro area. Nrgh.
As I sat in traffic, a half-mile from home, the thought came to me: "God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in my life take me the fuck away from here!"
Naturally, because I had definitely caught Murphy's eye, I barely missed the light when I finally made it the hundred feet from the pharmacy to the intersection. I could have stretched the yellow, but Maryland is also the Redlight Camera Capital of the World--yay us!--so I decided not to take my chances. I was sitting there, listening to my iPod and trying not to be grumpy, and a guy pulled up in the car next to me. You know: a hand-draped-over-the-wheel, hat-cocked-to-the-side, rap-music-blaring, SUV-drivin' kind of guy. He was "cool," in other words. Well, his rap music was frankly overwhelming my music, which had just switched to "Evenstar" from the TTT soundtrack. Lovely song, makes me think of Nerdanel and Feanor. Since I was already bordering on grumpy, I turned up my music to match his. So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
"You got a house?" I asked, and I was right!
I asked the usual questions. I looked at her maps and community book and was happy for them. I didn't pretend that; when a friend is happy, I am happy for her, of course.
But the thought kept coming into my mind that I couldn't quite see myself getting likewise so excited. Actually, as she was talking about taking down wallpaper and putting up new paint, I was imagining this awful '70s wallpaper, gave a mental shrug, and thought that I'd probably just leave it up.
I don't know what it is...I've changed so much since last year.
Last year, Bobby and I were the ones excited about getting a house in the next couple of years. Now...well, he's hoping to get a new job, which will mean a pretty big pay cut, and I don't even care. I think of cars and houses and stuff and...*shrug*
I am rarely even motivated to clean the apartment anymore. Not like I used to. I used to vacuum and clean the bathroom twice per week. Now, it seems there are better things to do.
The 2005 model of Dawn Felagund says she doesn't even know the 2006 model anymore. :^P
With this thought in my brain, I went to the pharmacy this afternoon after work to pick up a prescription. Because there is nary a road in Maryland that is not under some kind of significant construction, they have Frederick Road closed and detoured onto Route-40. (Both are pretty busy local roads.) It took me fifteen fucking minutes to turn out of the pharmacy, drive across the street, and drive a half-mile to my apartment community. Why? Because the geniuses who govern the roads closed one of the biggest roads in the area, detoured traffic onto the biggest road in the area, and didn't think to adjust the light so that more than three cars could turn onto the detour at one time.
Argh.
So on top of having in my brain that 2006 Dawn is a drastically different Dawn from last year, I am sitting in traffic thick as mud and cursing the county that I am supposed to love enough to pay an extra $400 a month in rent than if I lived in, say, Harford County. Cursing the whole goddamn area for being friggin' Type-A, corporate-tool, cell-phone-in-the-ear suburbia. Because, really, I know that it's not Howard County. Howard County is honestly a beautiful place to live in a glossy-full-color-brochure kind of way. It's the Baltimore-DC Metro area. Nrgh.
As I sat in traffic, a half-mile from home, the thought came to me: "God or Eru or Whoever-Is-Listening, let this new direction in my life take me the fuck away from here!"
Naturally, because I had definitely caught Murphy's eye, I barely missed the light when I finally made it the hundred feet from the pharmacy to the intersection. I could have stretched the yellow, but Maryland is also the Redlight Camera Capital of the World--yay us!--so I decided not to take my chances. I was sitting there, listening to my iPod and trying not to be grumpy, and a guy pulled up in the car next to me. You know: a hand-draped-over-the-wheel, hat-cocked-to-the-side, rap-music-blaring, SUV-drivin' kind of guy. He was "cool," in other words. Well, his rap music was frankly overwhelming my music, which had just switched to "Evenstar" from the TTT soundtrack. Lovely song, makes me think of Nerdanel and Feanor. Since I was already bordering on grumpy, I turned up my music to match his. So here he is, cool and listening to rap. Here I am--hair to my bum and tangled from blowing in the wind, wearing a tie-dyed shirt and my clunky school-marm shoes from Payless--blaring the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Cool, indeed.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 03:40 pm (UTC)Yeps had a very prosperous career ahead of me in consultancy, a seen as a talent in my branch of profession, but first a burn-out, the hardship of conceiving & RSI forced me to stand still and wonder what I really wanted in life. So yeah, I love the morning where I am the one to be the first that Kevin sees, sitting in a chair in his bedroom while we both gaze out of the window to watch the birds and clouds. My last boss was convinced I threw away a good career and life, but I beg the difference. I am following that what my heart desires and I am so happy.
I wonder sometimes if I am odd because people in this area seem to value and emphasize what I find is unimportant: things and money and empty titles/incomes. (Then again, I have always known that I am odd! :^P) I just want more than this. I guess I'm selfish. :)
Hmmm know, everyone their own path to walk. For some such a flashing life makes them happy, a shiny car to drive, the status that comes along with the profession. But can they enjoy the little things in life, can they for example enjoy encountering a deer on their path in the early morning or do they molest the hooter of their big BMW?? Maybe they do. But I sometimes think I was born in the wrong age, I've always been a dreamer and writing stories in my head, singing soft songs and such. I need nature to feel complete and I would be unhappy without it. A bard indeed ;)
And you should talk about Kevin! To everyone and all of the time! He has every right to be the center of your life (and I, for one, love your posts about him. I read every one and love all the piccies!)
Yay :) I love writing about him, he makes me laugh so often. Hubby says that I should laugh more because that was one of the things he fell in love with me.
There is so much more to life than "status" and money.
Yups there is, but for some it takes a crisis to realise that, for others a natural transformation to it.
He's on his way. ;) (What about Celegorm? Orome taught him nothing? Sheesh.... :^D)
LOL have you not read the entries this summer where Celegorm only added animals to the zoo I have here? An affectionate crow, a pair of lovely ducks, a frog, a falcon/hawk, a harrier, magpie... I kid you not! I do have to say, those birds of prey do clean up after themselves. But the chatty crow scared the heck out of hubby, that I offered the bird something to drink from a cup and such.. so yeah, that's what going on over here.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-10 09:30 pm (UTC)Ugh. Attitudes like your boss's disgust me so much. Personally, I think that these people don't have happy families and so don't understand how some of us take joy in something beyond our salaries. (Bobby has a lot of people at his office who believe as your boss does, and he is frank with them: his family [me] and his schooling come first.) But good for you, finding your happiness. :) I feel sorry for your boss, to tell you the truth, to ground his happiness in something so frivolous.
LOL have you not read the entries this summer where Celegorm only added animals to the zoo I have here?
I missed that! :( I missed a couple weeks of flist this summer. But that is hilarious! Just like Celegorm, the little imp. ;)