Thank you for this comment, Kei--it was beautifully put! :)
It's easy to judge from the safety of a cosseted comfort zone.
My husband teaches at an alternative high school for boys with emotional and behavioral problems. Most of the students' problems are caused by chronic abuse and neglect by parents and caregivers. Many of his students now live with foster families or in group homes where, from when the sun rises until the sun sets, they are not allowed back in the house. Where they are given no support for their schoolwork and, if they make a single mistake, might be sent to live in a homeless shelter. These people and places are subsidized by the government yet cry poor whenever it is suggested that they do something that is emotionally or intellectually enriching for the children they are caring for.
You are so right that it is easy to have the attitude that "it is always better to choose life" when one doesn't have to live every day with the consequences of being the life that was chosen, yes, but exists every moment knowing that he or she was never and probably never will be wanted. And bears the physical, emotional, and cognitive scars of that rejection.
I loathe the attitude that 'all women should have babies, it's what they really want.'
If I were to take the opposite tack and say, "All people should choose to be child-free. Child-free people are happier and live more fulfilling lives than people who become parents," then I would be tarred and feathered! Yet I can be told the opposite and people either stand by cow-eyed and complacent or join in the insistence that I don't know my own mind and body well enough to be more competent than they are in making decisions for myself. Not that it's all that surprising, given the amount of faith people have in women being able to make good decisions for themselves.
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rosecarmine
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Date: 2010-01-24 08:40 pm (UTC)It's easy to judge from the safety of a cosseted comfort zone.
My husband teaches at an alternative high school for boys with emotional and behavioral problems. Most of the students' problems are caused by chronic abuse and neglect by parents and caregivers. Many of his students now live with foster families or in group homes where, from when the sun rises until the sun sets, they are not allowed back in the house. Where they are given no support for their schoolwork and, if they make a single mistake, might be sent to live in a homeless shelter. These people and places are subsidized by the government yet cry poor whenever it is suggested that they do something that is emotionally or intellectually enriching for the children they are caring for.
You are so right that it is easy to have the attitude that "it is always better to choose life" when one doesn't have to live every day with the consequences of being the life that was chosen, yes, but exists every moment knowing that he or she was never and probably never will be wanted. And bears the physical, emotional, and cognitive scars of that rejection.
I loathe the attitude that 'all women should have babies, it's what they really want.'
If I were to take the opposite tack and say, "All people should choose to be child-free. Child-free people are happier and live more fulfilling lives than people who become parents," then I would be tarred and feathered! Yet I can be told the opposite and people either stand by cow-eyed and complacent or join in the insistence that I don't know my own mind and body well enough to be more competent than they are in making decisions for myself. Not that it's all that surprising, given the amount of faith people have in women being able to make good decisions for themselves.