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By the title, I mean that I slept for nine-and-a-half hours last night. I haven't slept that long in...it's been so long that I can't even remember when. Maybe that has something to do with the frantic depression I've been feeling lately?
There is a syndrome that is actually unique to psych and med students, and I am always careful not to fall prone to it myself: They think they have whatever they are studying at the moment. Still, I recognize patterns in my behavior as lesser forms of that which is considered abnormal: for example, extreme mood swings, extreme hyperactivity (not chemically induced), bizarre thought patterns. I do not by any stretch think that I meet the criteria for psychopathology. If anything, I might have a mild case of cyclothymia. (That is a rapid cycling between moods, for non-psychopathologically inducted.) And what writer doesn't have bizarre thought patterns? Most would consider that I spend many hours a day thinking about characters and their lives and what they think about a bizarre thought pattern. I am more concerned with the random thoughts that have the power to really upset me. I tend to personify things: Sometimes I won't eat because I don't want to eat my personified food. That's bizarre. (It's also rare, but I had a bout of it yesterday, lending more credence to the belief that I was overtired and that the nine-and-a-half hours of sleep that I got last night might be a panacea for my [mental] ills.) Then there was the dive into Hell a few years ago when I know I was ill, but I was also being stressed in a new and exciting way. I'd never been in an abusive relationship before. (Albeit, psychologically abusive, but child maltreatment studies show that can often be the worst kind, so it makes sense that it was rough on me too.)
Everything was fine last night; Bobby and I had a nice supper of ravioli and red wine, and we worked on our armies by the last of the daylight. (Enough time passed between the wine and my sudden descent into exhaustion that I don't think it was the wine.) I was getting a lot done and focusing very well; I had no warning that when I was sitting outside with Bobby, just talking, that I'd suddenly get so tired. We went in and watched Black Sunday, a typical Bobby-movie about terror (pronounced terr'r), but I fell asleep an hour into it and didn't revive until seven this morning when my alarm went off.
So now I feel well rested, maybe even up to a bit of writing. We shall see.
I really want to write some non-fiction stuff. My sister is encouraging me to write an article about slash in LotR for afterelton.com, but I don't know if what they're going to want is too superficial for my tastes. I don't want to just write, "A lot of people see slash in this, or a lot of people see slash in that." I'd want to go more into the slash subculture, pertaining to LotR and the issues and controversies it raises. Then, of course, there is my "perception of Fëanor" project, but finding a personality trait inventory proved harder than I thought. Maybe I need to dig in and try harder today, maybe find out which researchers used that method and Google their names instead of just "personality trait list," which mostly got me a lot of commercial sites willing to analyze my personality. (That's scary.) I keep meaning to check one of my old psych textbooks from college but never think of it when I'm home. Unfortunately, I never took Personality in college, but I'm hoping that one of my general textbooks might lend some insight.
Motivatedly yours,
Medium Dawn Felagund of the Fountain
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There is a syndrome that is actually unique to psych and med students, and I am always careful not to fall prone to it myself: They think they have whatever they are studying at the moment. Still, I recognize patterns in my behavior as lesser forms of that which is considered abnormal: for example, extreme mood swings, extreme hyperactivity (not chemically induced), bizarre thought patterns. I do not by any stretch think that I meet the criteria for psychopathology. If anything, I might have a mild case of cyclothymia. (That is a rapid cycling between moods, for non-psychopathologically inducted.) And what writer doesn't have bizarre thought patterns? Most would consider that I spend many hours a day thinking about characters and their lives and what they think about a bizarre thought pattern. I am more concerned with the random thoughts that have the power to really upset me. I tend to personify things: Sometimes I won't eat because I don't want to eat my personified food. That's bizarre. (It's also rare, but I had a bout of it yesterday, lending more credence to the belief that I was overtired and that the nine-and-a-half hours of sleep that I got last night might be a panacea for my [mental] ills.) Then there was the dive into Hell a few years ago when I know I was ill, but I was also being stressed in a new and exciting way. I'd never been in an abusive relationship before. (Albeit, psychologically abusive, but child maltreatment studies show that can often be the worst kind, so it makes sense that it was rough on me too.)
Everything was fine last night; Bobby and I had a nice supper of ravioli and red wine, and we worked on our armies by the last of the daylight. (Enough time passed between the wine and my sudden descent into exhaustion that I don't think it was the wine.) I was getting a lot done and focusing very well; I had no warning that when I was sitting outside with Bobby, just talking, that I'd suddenly get so tired. We went in and watched Black Sunday, a typical Bobby-movie about terror (pronounced terr'r), but I fell asleep an hour into it and didn't revive until seven this morning when my alarm went off.
So now I feel well rested, maybe even up to a bit of writing. We shall see.
I really want to write some non-fiction stuff. My sister is encouraging me to write an article about slash in LotR for afterelton.com, but I don't know if what they're going to want is too superficial for my tastes. I don't want to just write, "A lot of people see slash in this, or a lot of people see slash in that." I'd want to go more into the slash subculture, pertaining to LotR and the issues and controversies it raises. Then, of course, there is my "perception of Fëanor" project, but finding a personality trait inventory proved harder than I thought. Maybe I need to dig in and try harder today, maybe find out which researchers used that method and Google their names instead of just "personality trait list," which mostly got me a lot of commercial sites willing to analyze my personality. (That's scary.) I keep meaning to check one of my old psych textbooks from college but never think of it when I'm home. Unfortunately, I never took Personality in college, but I'm hoping that one of my general textbooks might lend some insight.
Motivatedly yours,
Medium Dawn Felagund of the Fountain
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Return home to the Index page
